Hibari's Birthday Letter!
by Siyui No Akatsuki
Summary: It's Hibari's birthday and, because of boredom at being trapped in Vendicare and out of the kindness of his heart or lack there of, Mukuro decides to send him a letter! Has he forgiven the Vongola? Not that likely. Warning: MAJOR HELPINGS OF INSANITY!


**A/N: I wrote this for Hibari's birthday, obviously, so…enjoy, desu~! BTW this was written at school, during lunch, so BE APPRICIATIVE, DARN IT. Oh, and:**

**Siyui-no-Akatsuki does NOT own Katekyo Hitman Reborn, Hibari, or Mukuro, who I always refer to as Alka-seltzer. If I did, Yamamoto, Ryohei, Spanner, Shoichi, TYL!Lambo, hell, TYL!Everyone, Tsuna, Hibari and Alka-seltzer would all be mine. But they aren't, so I don't own it. Okay? Enjoy the letter!**

**Hibari's Birthday Letter**

_Dear Hibari,_

_ Hello! You didn't expect to get a birthday letter from me, of all people, did you? Well, since I had a lot of time, being in JAIL because of the Vongola Decimo (oh, I'm not angry at all!), I decided to write you a letter! You should be so happy. Anyway, it's quite lonely here in Vendicare, mainly because they Chikusa and Ken got out. It makes me sad, really. And it's all because of you and your stupid family… But don't worry! Like I said, I'm not (that) angry! Que sera sera, right? What happens happens! I shouldn't dwell on the past anyway. It's bad for the colon, or so I've heard._

_ There are so really weird things that you here in a prison, you know Hibari? Or maybe you don't know, because you haven't been sent to a prison before. Well, I don't care to know or find out that information. Anyway, back to the topic at hand! The single-handedly weirdest thing I've heard here is that you are the Head of the Disciplinary Committee at Namimori High School, right? I feel very sorry for that school if their leader was not only beat (beaten badly at that) but beaten by cherry blossoms. Seriously. Those are __**flowers**__. Yeah, you're probably thinking right now "Hey! That's Trident Shamal's fault!" Well, maybe you shouldn't have ticked him off to oblivion, stupid. Of course, the first thing they teach you in kindergarten in the Golden Rule: "Treat others the way you want to be treated." I think it would be wise for you to start following that rule. But, of course, I doubt you are going to start listening to me. Even though it'd probably be wise to not listen to me, since, well, I'm in jail, but once again, THAT WAS NOT MY FAULT THAT WAS THE VONGOLA DECIMO'S FAULT. But, also once again, I am not angry!_

_ Oh, and another point of this letter, other than to wish you happy birthday, is to tell you that I have forgiven the Vongola. Yes, you put me in jail. Yes, I should want to slaughter all of you and carve a bloody crest into Namimori, but I don't (weird, right?). I have decided not to dwell on the past and look towards the future! I have also decided that once I get out of here I am going to do stuff for the community! Afterwards, I'll be so appreciated that people will be throwing there babies at me! Of course, hopefully they won't really do that because… well, I don't want baby on my clothes, mainly because my clothes are nice. See, if I was wearing a Namimori uniform instead of a Kokyou uniform, I wouldn't really care. But I like the Kokyou uniform, so I do care. Anyway, since I got off subject again, let me continue. I plan to start a new regime for myself, a restart, if you will. _

_ Like stated previously, I am, in no way, angry. I'm not angry that all of the Vongola plotted against me and threw me in jail. I'm not angry that, because of the Vongola, I will spend the rest of my life in Vendicare and never get to do anything else. I'm not angry that after all these years, even after all they have done to me, and the mafia is still against me. Don't worry, Hibari, I'm not angry at all! A little pissed off? Maybe. A little irritated? Quite. But, of course, that's water under the bridge of life. Or, in my case, lack there of. Oh! Or better yet, I'll never have any kind of life, BECAUSE I WAS SENT TO PRISON FOR STANDING UP FOR MYSELF AGAINST THE MAFIA AND SOCIETY. So I wanted to start a mafia war. WELL I DESERVED TO!! THEY TOTURED ME, DID CREEPY STUFF TO ME, AND FED ME BROCOLLI! Oh, and that was just WHILE I WAS FIVE. Do I even need to explain about my right eye, or is that self-explanatory?_

_ Oh I don't care anymore. I AM PISSED OFF! WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE I'M GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOU AND TAKE YOUR STUPID SCHOOL WITH YOU!!! You know what that means, right Hibari? It means your precious little school is going to be BLOWN TO SMITHREENS and you're going to watch me do it while I RIP OUT YOUR EYES!!! How will you be able to watch me, you ask? WELL I HAVE FIGURED THAT PART OUT YET!_

_ So, the conclusion is, all the Vongola is going to die, and I'm going to kill all of them one by one._

_ You first, obviously._

_ And I'm going to make sure that the Vongola Decimo's death is the most painful and grueling._

_ Anywho, can't wait to see you guys again! _

_ Your Friend coughfuturekillercough,_

_Rokudo Mukuro_

_(P.S.: And I can't wait to eat my DEEP FRIED Skylark with lots of CRUSHED tuna salad once I get there!!) _

Once Hibari finished reading the letter to the Vongola, everyone was silent. Of course, Tsuna had already fainted/peed in his pants, Gokudera was yelling about how "The Juudaime can beat the crap outta him!!", Yamamoto was laughing at Mukuro's "joke," and Ryohei decided that he wanted that kind of "EXTREEEEEME FEVEOR" on the boxing team.

**Meanwhile, in a cell at Vendicare…**

"_Kufufufufu… _Idiots."

**A/N: Hoho! How'd you like it? Drop by and tell me by pressing that review button… Yeah, that one, right there….**

**Hibari: Review, Herbivores. Or I'll bite you to death.**

**Siyui: You heard 'em. Review! **


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